My prediction of the patch notes:
-Fixed bug where Chen couldn't convert Roshan at level 1.
-Fixed bug where Tangoes wouldn't properly consume Treant Protector.
-Dark Seer has been removed from Dota 2. Sorry, guys, what an annoying idea for a hero.
-Song of the Siren doesn't work anymore. No, just try it. Hit the button. Nothing will happen. See? Nothing happened. Was it worth it?
-Added "All Meepo, All Mid" mode option.
-You will no longer be able to control your hero if you type Cyrillic characters into chat.
-Alpine Ursa is now the default Ursa model.
-Ursa can no longer equip any cosmetics.
-Adaptive Strike has been replaced with a new passive where, after walking into the river, Morphling will instantly kill any enemy heroes that are in the river by possessing the river and swallowing them. There's no reason to skill it past level 1, but we let you do it anyway.
-In All Pick, if a player selects Riki, they will be kicked from the game, and the newly-implemented Dota 2 Tutorial will open.
-Disabled Radiance from being bought after 35 minutes, because come on man, you're not gonna finish it. Just give it up already.
-Fixed a bug where Invoker was being a little too much of a douchebag.
-Enchantress model changed again to make her look more like a grotesque monster.
-Weaver's lore changed to make him sound more pathetic. I mean for God's sake, he's a fucking bug.
-Jakiro now perpetually sings the hit single "Ebony and Ivory" the entire time he is being played. Everyone on the map can hear it, and no sound options can mute it.
-Fixed bug where Spectre's dialogue was overlaid with a backward version of each line.
-Per the appearance of Warlock's face, his lore has been changed to reflect the fact that he's actually a Muppet.
-Whenever Phantom Lancer attacks an enemy, the Final Fantasy X battle theme begins playing until he is out of combat.
-Fixed bug where Luna and Lone Druid said their words all weird.
-Enigma's Eidolons have officially had their name changed to "Eniglets". Added the line "Sup, mah niglets?" for whenever Enigma casts Demonic Conversion.
-In light of the recent Anti-Mage portrait change, his blades have been replaced with dumbbells.
-Tiny now takes 200 Pure damage whenever he makes a pun about how he's made of rocks.
-Death Prophet now says all of her lines as if she were a sassy black woman who don't need no man. She will also snap her fingers three times when she uses Exorcism, before yelling, "Mmm mmm, go mah sweet sistahs, go!"
-Changed Sniper's model so that he is always crying. All of his previous lines have been replaced with self-deprecating statements such as "I'm...worthless..." and "Easy as shooting gna--now that I think about it, I actually don't even think I could shoot...a gnat..." Upon saying one of these lines, Sniper has a 30% chance to sit down and think about where it all went wrong for 2.5 seconds.
-Fixed bug with Nature's Prophet in which meeting quota would not necessarily lead to winning Dota.
-Doom Bringer's armor decreased by 1.
[credit reddit]
-Fixed bug where Chen couldn't convert Roshan at level 1.
-Fixed bug where Tangoes wouldn't properly consume Treant Protector.
-Dark Seer has been removed from Dota 2. Sorry, guys, what an annoying idea for a hero.
-Song of the Siren doesn't work anymore. No, just try it. Hit the button. Nothing will happen. See? Nothing happened. Was it worth it?
-Added "All Meepo, All Mid" mode option.
-You will no longer be able to control your hero if you type Cyrillic characters into chat.
-Alpine Ursa is now the default Ursa model.
-Ursa can no longer equip any cosmetics.
-Adaptive Strike has been replaced with a new passive where, after walking into the river, Morphling will instantly kill any enemy heroes that are in the river by possessing the river and swallowing them. There's no reason to skill it past level 1, but we let you do it anyway.
-In All Pick, if a player selects Riki, they will be kicked from the game, and the newly-implemented Dota 2 Tutorial will open.
-Disabled Radiance from being bought after 35 minutes, because come on man, you're not gonna finish it. Just give it up already.
-Fixed a bug where Invoker was being a little too much of a douchebag.
-Enchantress model changed again to make her look more like a grotesque monster.
-Weaver's lore changed to make him sound more pathetic. I mean for God's sake, he's a fucking bug.
-Jakiro now perpetually sings the hit single "Ebony and Ivory" the entire time he is being played. Everyone on the map can hear it, and no sound options can mute it.
-Fixed bug where Spectre's dialogue was overlaid with a backward version of each line.
-Per the appearance of Warlock's face, his lore has been changed to reflect the fact that he's actually a Muppet.
-Whenever Phantom Lancer attacks an enemy, the Final Fantasy X battle theme begins playing until he is out of combat.
-Fixed bug where Luna and Lone Druid said their words all weird.
-Enigma's Eidolons have officially had their name changed to "Eniglets". Added the line "Sup, mah niglets?" for whenever Enigma casts Demonic Conversion.
-In light of the recent Anti-Mage portrait change, his blades have been replaced with dumbbells.
-Tiny now takes 200 Pure damage whenever he makes a pun about how he's made of rocks.
-Death Prophet now says all of her lines as if she were a sassy black woman who don't need no man. She will also snap her fingers three times when she uses Exorcism, before yelling, "Mmm mmm, go mah sweet sistahs, go!"
-Changed Sniper's model so that he is always crying. All of his previous lines have been replaced with self-deprecating statements such as "I'm...worthless..." and "Easy as shooting gna--now that I think about it, I actually don't even think I could shoot...a gnat..." Upon saying one of these lines, Sniper has a 30% chance to sit down and think about where it all went wrong for 2.5 seconds.
-Fixed bug with Nature's Prophet in which meeting quota would not necessarily lead to winning Dota.
-Doom Bringer's armor decreased by 1.
[credit reddit]
Drink deep, and descend.
